20/20

This morning I was talking to a certain male friend about pictures and good looks and he said something that shocked me. He said he wasn’t handsome, he was barely averagely good-looking. I was beyond shocked, my mouth hung open and I couldn’t even think. This guy is one of the “handsomest” guys in Nigeria, and he thinks he’s a little better than ugly. The same guy who won the most handsome guy in his department on the regular when he was in the university and has a retinue of adoring fans till this day.

As I ended the call I was flummoxed at my friend’s cluelessness. I’d be uncomfortable being his girlfriend, yes its as bad as that! because I’d always have people wonder how I managed to snag “such a fine guy”.

I still had him on my mind when I went to the living room to eat my breakfast and my matriculation picture caught my eye. I was a teenager at the time but I thought I looked thirty-five (no jokes) and was as fat as a hippo. Standing in front of that picture this morning I wondered what kind of idiocy could have inspired such a thought. The girl in the picture looked very young and she wasn’t even fat. In hindsight I could see things the way they really were but back then? No! Right now I’m glad I had no conception of just how beautiful I was, my conceit would have hit meteoric levels. People would have had to fill forms to talk to me *I kid*. The whole thing leaves me wondering, how come we rarely see the awesome and wonderful things about ourselves? When others try to tell us we only wave them aside and claim they are flattering or even mocking us.

I remember all the beautiful dresses I refused to buy because I felt I was too fat for them or that my shoulder stretch marks made them impractical, despite my friend’s insistence that they’d fit perfectly.  How many opportunities have we missed because we decided we weren’t smart enough or rich enough or influential enough etc? And when we look back in five, ten years we discover we were just right for those things. Hero always says “the things we’ll regret the most at the end are not the things we did but the things we didn’t do”. I’m no motivational speaker and this is not an inspirational blog so I won’t sermonize, I’d just say this. You’re far more awesomely amazing than you think you are at the moment, don’t let nobody tell you different.

I was watching a YouTube clip of Majek Fashek’s appearance on David letterman’s show in the early 1990s. He performed my favourite Majek song “So long”, I’m not going to gush about the song… this is not a favorite song post. I wish someone had showed him an image of how he’d look like in less than twenty years, maybe that’d have made him get his act together. I watched a recent interview where he claimed “forces from home” were behind his sorry state, I felt so sad for him because he was obviously in the highest plain of delusion. Hopefully he’s the only person living there.

When I was a child (like three or four years old) I loved listening to him, I thought he knew me and had sang a song about my parents. Remember his song that had the lines
Mama Tete oyoyo
Papa Tete oyoyo
I thought he was singing for my parents, you see Adaeze is a tough name for kids to pronounce. Ask any child below three to pronounce the name and you’ll hear things like Adede, Atietie, dede or tete. I thought he couldn’t pronounce the name just like many of my friends. Anyway I always had a soft spot for him and I really hope he gets better or at least stops deteriorating. I just watched a video of one of his performances this year and the tears are still stinging my eyes. His voice is still on point though.
I pray we never waste the most important thing God gave us on this earth in the quest for the inconsequential, wasting our lives makes mockery of God. So weigh yourself and your life on a scale and see if you’re using your full potential.

50th post!!!

This is my fiftieth post on this blog, bring out the ice cream and cake-freshly baked hot cake. It’s amazing that I’ve stuck at this long enough to have produced a 50th post, I’m as excited as I’d be if I won a hundred thousand naira in a lottery or something.

I find it hard to stick to anything, I’m more likely to start a project and be fired up and enthusiastic about it. Two weeks later not only would I have moved on, I’d have forgotten about it. Case in point, this is my fourth blog. However I’ve ‘broken the jinx’ and even after fifty posts I’m not bored yet. I even baked a cake to celebrate this feat, that’s how big a deal it is for me

image

Ok I’ll admit that I had a strong craving for cake and decided to use my fiftieth post as an excuse to make one. I love hot fresh cake, surprising I don’t eat hot food but hot cake? Most definitely!

In the last week I’ve been learning a whole lot about commitment and sacrifice, I even had to undergo commitment training too. I’m hoping that I’d learn to stick to something or someone (will have to get married and have kids) even when I’m no longer interested. On Sunday I went for a programme organised by Rev Chris Ojigbani and there he also discussed commitment and sacrifice, it was like the crux of all I’d been learning all week.

Still on the programme, I learnt a lot about time and God’s will for humans. He deconstructed Ecclesiastics chapter 3- the popular bible passage about time. He said something that struck me, “if there’s time for everything, why do we bother praying? We should just wait for time to bring us what we want, when it’s time for good things, we’ll get good things and when it’s time for bad things…

The programme held at National Stadium Surulere and it was well attended. At the entry point, a man was dispensing hand sanitizers to attendees. Ebola has really had an effect on the way things are done in public places. My mum was given a dollop of hand sanitizer on entry into UBA earlier today. At least we’re more conscious about personal hygiene. It’s so horrible how ebola has managed to kill many people across Africa, may the souls of those who’ve died from this terrible disease Rest In Perfect Peace. Amen.

My favourite songs // Songs I like episode 7

Today we’ll be seeing the first nigerian song in the series, it’s by a defunct band that once was the Sino-atrial node of the nigerian music industry
Drum roll!

“Iya Basira”
Dis na one buka wey I dey like to go
The food sweet so tey e go make your mind blow
Day and night, Iya bass
How she do am I no no
Dem tink say na jazz, my brother no be so

Chorus
People, people, make una come e oh
Iya basira e don jazz me oh
Oh oh oh
Everybody helep save me oh
I no dey sabi chop either my mother or my girlfriend’s food
People, people make una come e oh
Iya basira e go kill me oh
Oh oh oh
Everybody helep save me oh
I no dey sabi chop at my mother or my girlfriend’s food

Verse 1
No be so
I say na food go kill you
Wetin dey
Be say e get one day
Wey I say I go play go see my paddy Sunday
Na so I reach there but Sunday he don high on beer
Luckily for me in junior brother eye e clear
So e say make we stroll through the area
Little did I know I was strolling to my burial
right there where Oshodi bus dey load
Was a little buka, close to the main road
I laugh when e pass the door
He tell me say the name na iya Bash  for short
But I bow when he order
iresi ati ewa, eran ati pure water not even minerals
I come gree say I go manage to chop am
Before I realize I dey order second round, third round, fourth round
I never still stop wetin Iya Basira e give me chop

Repeat Chorus
No be so
I know, na food go kill you

Verse 2
You think say na play
When I say that the way wey I dey (wetin do am?)
E no dey okay
Wetin be your own advice
I don dey steal my paddy money to buy Iya Basira rice
Even on my girlfriends birthday
Wey she dey wait make I take am to Ocean View
I no know when I pass di place
The only thing wey dey my mind na Iya Basira’s palm oil stew
Kilon kilon sele sele
Me I never see this kind, juju tele tele
All those people wey go vex pele pele
But I hear say iya basira na bele bele
I sure say still I go go their go sit down
Order my first round
Move to second round, third round, fourth round
I no dey ever stop
Wetin iya basira don give me chop?

Bridge
Officer I beg, follow me to the place
Everybody don tell me I dey craze
My girlfriend don leave me
My mother no gree see me, my paddy
Hmm, Iya basira you don kill me
Officer I beg, follow me to the place
Everybody don tell me I dey craze
My girlfriend don leave me
My mother no gree see me, my paddy
Hmm, Iya basira you don kill me
Oya, people, people, make una stop, officer, e don come
Policeman: where the woman?
People: E dey inside
Woman: Oga, I dey come.
Policeman: Woman na wetin you dey give people chop
Wey dey cause all this wahala
Casala oya make we talk.
Woman: Oga sir, true to God
Nothing wey I dey put for the food wey I dey cook
Na God dey make am good
Policeman: Na which kind talk be that
Say na God dey cook the food
Abi you think say I be fool
No be juju you dey put?
In fact, I dey suspect say na you wash put sotey
People dey queue come dey rush for your stew
Well, to confirm am
Me I no mind make I chop small
Give me fufu ninety naira plus dat soup wey dey draw
Chai, correct!
This food sweet no be small
She una no go vex if I still order for more
Woman: Officer no worry na de food be dis
Policeman: Oya, people, people, make una go case dismissed
Repeat Chorus till fade

Styl Plus rules! Those guys had everything going for them; looks, lyrics, lovely voices! Only thing is they came too early, they’d have been the ones rocking the endorsement parades now instead of most of the guys who are making mega bucks with minuscule talent eg D’Prince. I had the hugest crush on Shifi for the longest time, always wanted to stroke his goatee. Is he still single? I wonder. I love love love the song, it’s always a pleasure to listen to. I was listening to it while cooking indomie last night and felt so fly. The production of the song is top notch. Went to youtube to watch the video of this song and after watching it, I watched Tongolo by D’Banj. I remember how blown away I was by that song, it was nice to see the video again and remember when no one knew who Don Jazzy was.

The next song an old classic, an anthem to being yourself and knowing you’re special. The song probably saved my sanity many times when I was very young. The song was inspired by a British Eccentric and gay icon Quentin Crisp, yes! I’m talking about English man in New York!

“Englishman In New York”
I don’t drink coffee I take tea my dear
I like my toast done on one side
And you can hear it in my accent when I talk
I’m an Englishman in New York
See me walking down Fifth Avenue
A walking cane here at my side
I take it everywhere I walk
I’m an Englishman in New York

Oh oh
I’m an alien I’m a legal alien
I’m an Englishman in New York
I’m an alien I’m a legal alien
I’m an Englishman in New York

If, “Manners maketh man” as someone said
Then he’s the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say

Oh oh
I’m an alien I’m a legal alien
I’m an Englishman in New York
I’m an alien I’m a legal alien
I’m an Englishman in New York

Modesty, propriety can lead to notoriety
You could end up as the only one
Gentleness, sobriety are rare in this society
At night a candle’s brighter than the sun

Takes more than combat gear to make a man
Takes more than a license for a gun
Confront your enemies, avoid them when you can
A gentleman will walk but never run
If, “Manners maketh man” as someone said
Then he’s the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say

I’m an alien I’m a legal alien
I’m an Englishman in New York
I’m an alien I’m a legal alien
I’m an Englishman in New York

This song is just too much, plenty grammar plus beautiful music.

I’ve mentioned the next song by Seal several times in this series, it’s gotten a hold on me and refused to let me go.

“Crazy”
In a church by the face
He talks about the people going under
Only child know
A man decides after seventy years
That what he goes there for
Is to unlock the door
While those around him criticize and sleep

And through a fracture on that breaking wall
I see you my friend and touch your face again
Miracles will happen as we trip

But we’re never gonna survive unless
We get a little crazy
No we’re never gonna survive unless
We are a little
Cray cray crazy

Crazy are the people walking through my head
One of them got a gun to shoot the other one
And yet together they were friends at school
Get it, get it, get it, yeah!
If all were there when we first took the pill
Then maybe then maybe then maybe then maybe
Miracles will happen as we speak

But we’re never gonna survive unless
We get a little crazy
No we’re never gonna survive unless
We are a little
Crazy
No no we’ll never survive unless we get a little bit…

A man decides to go along after seventy years
Oh darling
In a sky full of people only some want to fly
Isn’t that crazy
In a world full of people only some want to fly
Isn’t that crazy
Crazy
In a heaven of people there’s only some want to fly
Ain’t that crazy
Oh babe Oh darlin’
In a world full of people there’s only some want to fly
Isn’t that crazy
Isn’t that crazy Isn’t that crazy Isn’t that crazy

Oh
But we’re never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy crazy
No we’re never gonna to survive unless we are a little crazy
But we’re never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy crazy
No we’re never gonna to survive unless we are a little crazy
No no never survive unless we get a little bit

And then you see things
The size of which you’ve never known before
They’ll break it
Someday
Only child know
Them things
The size
Of which you’ve never known before
Someday

Whew! What a song. What I love most about this series is that I’m finally learning the full lyrics of certain songs and I’m so admiring my good taste in music. Before the thought crosses your mind, let me just say it- I’m crazy.