I saw a screenshot on Facebook and it disturbed me for a while today, it was supposedly made by a woman who had seen paternity tests results of her children paid for by her husband. The tests showed the man was their father and she is confused about her next step.
I found the reactions to the screenshot interesting though, with a number of people who think there is nothing to react to, that it is no big deal. Some of them quoted the trending headline of years ago that 30% of Nigerian women have children for other men and passed it off as their husband’s.
Others quoted the durex survey that ranked Nigerian women high on the unfaithfulness scale and said the man was only taking precautions. It would be beyond painful for a man to realise that the child he has been raising for decades is not his, they said.
I have never pretended to understand this marriage thing, this binding of lives and destinies and families, the dynamics of marital life or why anyone who doesn’t have a gun pointed to her head would venture into it in the first place. Maybe I should delete the last sentence, my mother will read this post.
While human beings are fickle and evil and there is no art (or science) to find the mind’s construction on the face. It takes a special level of wickedness to not only cheat on your husband without protection but allow a child take root and then foist it on a man who is not its father – even if that man is your husband.
I think anyone who can do it is capable of even cold-blooded murder, nobody can tell me different. It is a crime against the husband and the child and perhaps the biological father – if he is interested in knowing about all the fruits of his loins.
It is far more heinous than a man having a child with someone else and keeping it a secret, at least the wife is not invested in raising another woman’s child unknowingly. No one should be deceived like that.
I cannot imagine the kind of hurt I would feel if the man I am making a life with, the person whose snores are the soundtrack to my dreams, the person whose children I walked the treacherous battles of pregnancy and labour to bring to his arms and this cruel world doing this to me. That this same man considers me capable of doing such a thing to him.
It’s not even about the cheating, it is the grand scale deception. That I would lie to him and to my child most of all, about the paternity of the child. That I am such a monster.
And he is so convinced of my evil that he spends hundreds of thousands of naira to be sure that his suspicions are not true. I’m not sure if there is any DNA testing currently available in Nigeria for less than sixty thousand naira and he coughed out at least a hundred and twenty thousand for two children (they might even have had more than two children).
So he finds out I didn’t give him another man’s children to raise and he leaves the result in a place where I can find it. So I can do what? Rejoice that I was found virtuous? Continue the marriage?
While the story is very unlikely to be untrue, I do not understand how she can spend one more day with a man whose opinion of her is that low.
If that is what marriage is, I exclude myself from such a silly narrative.