In the middle of this kiss, I think for the thousandth time that I love you. the knowledge pops in strange places, it wedges its way in the middle of familiar paths. I don’t know what to do with this love, it twists itself around my belly, it grips my neck and holds my lungs so I breathe only in shallow gasps.
This is not what I would choose for myself, this love that replaces the five bones that hold my back- with lumbar jelly, the one you create whenever you look at me. I do not want to whisper your name under my breath and feel peace, or find your smile across the room and watch my heart dance.
I have never wanted to belong to anyone, I want to keep all my parts safe, to hold all my pieces in the vault that was built from heartbreak, disappointment and fortified by pain. But you, with the long fingers which strokes my heart beneath quivering left breast breaks all the rules. I wonder how you knew the right keys to open rusty padlocks- I bet you came with oil too. How did you crack passcodes written in languages the world has forgotten? How did you come to me fully made, my dreams in flesh and blood and the delicious hint of an Igbo accent? How did you find me and devastate me and now I cannot imagine life without you- future heartbreak not withstanding?
What will I do with this love? This one that threatens my oxygen, this one that lights crevices of my heart unaired for decades, the one that comes with music and lyrics that send my heart’s strings in a tizzy of twitches. The answers are not coming, let me kiss you still. Maybe answers are not necessary, maybe they do not even matter.
I love you, that is enough for today.