Love the one you’re with.

I haven’t listened to Luther Vandross this year and the pull to listen to him has been phenomenally strong. This evening, I finally found time to listen to him (I don’t listen to Luther if I have things to do, he deserves total attention), singing along as the music took me on that beautiful ride that only Luther’s music


I do not have a favourite Luther song, if I’m listening to his song at the moment, then it is my favourite Luther song. I used to be very partial to ‘If I didn’t know better’ and “So amazing” but now every song lights my heart’s fires.


I was listening to “Love the one you’re with” when I decided to write about pining for what we can’t have and just how dangerous that can be, especially when we have something (someone) and refuse to appreciate what we have just because it is not the wonderful, spectacular thing that we want.


Perhaps it’s easier to live inside your head where it’s all perfect and wonderful, a person who exists in your head has no flaws- even if they do, the flaws are usually so adorable that they add up to the person’s score in the amazing-meter. Building an imaginary wonderland to live in, will only result in serious injuries when you crash from the dizzying height you built your castle without foundation.


Then you begin to search for the cottage you scorned while you piled blocks for the expensive wreckage that’s piercing your feet. If you’re lucky, you’ll find that person you took for granted, waiting for you. However, we are talking about human beings and not buildings, they too might have moved on and another cycle will start, but with them as the key players.


What I’m saying is value the people in your life, those who choose to go the long haul with you. The ones who love you enough to stay might not bring sparkle and magic with them, sparkle will lose its lustre over time. If they bring light and love, it is enough… Believe me.


I’ve run through my Luther Vandross hits and I’m currently listening to one of my absolute favourite songs- Everyday by Phil Collins. Listening to this song always reminds me of the many years it tormented me (when I didn’t know the title but I loved it even then and wanted to know it) and Akachi who played the song for me while we were sitting in Afrihub Uniben, he was telling me how it was his favourite song. He didn’t laugh at me when I blubbered with joy, he understood just how powerful the pull of music was for me, just as it was for him.


I have lost contact with Akachi now, I wish I had known back then that he’d haunt me still, many years later, that the memories of his voice, his safe presence and that ever ready wit would make me shut my eyes to prevent tears from rioting. If I knew a tenth of this,  I wouldn’t have let him walk away or walked away from him.



  1. “If I knew a tenth of this, I
    wouldn’t have let him walk away or walked
    away from him.”
    I guess That’s a mystery of the future-what would haunt us and what would not from the past-we just wouldn’t know even if we tried.

    Nice one!


  2. This was nice. I am definitely curious about Luther now. I initially thought this was a book review because I just added a book titled “Love The One You Are With” to my good reads library.


  3. When I first heard of the album way back then, I fell in love with some of the track but then fall out of love perhaps due to hyperactivity of the mind. Since this is a season where everyone is spreading love around like clothes on the line, I might visit some of them.

    Love, Love wantiti! the heart has the capacity to love i believe and receive by faith for other but not mine, Lol. *seriously*


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