A Short-lived Romance

Despite the desperate warnings and songs by her best friend Common Sense, she bought a glo data plan. Her relationship with Spectranet had crossed into the abusive spectrum, it still lit her fires with the comet speed that first drew her but the fires could no longer keep her as warm as it used to.

 

MTN was her loyal side bobo, the one who stole fireworks for her but loving him fulltime was spreading a mat for poverty and his accomplices. His demands were too much and that was why she was easy pickings for glo- the grand master of deception and crappy data. She knew what the depths of frustration glo could plunge her into, she had had a flirtation with him when she lived in Benin-City. But she thought he had changed a little, that his new shop 4G carried all the excitement she needed, so she fell yakata when she eavesdropped on a conversation in Onyeka‘s ehouse, greed quickened her breath because she found the way to outsmart glo, she had forgotten the ancestral warning- awoof dey run belle.

 

Spectranet was relegated to the other room while glo was to guide her through the internet mazes she loved to meander in. Three hours after their first forage into the world, the honeymoon ended. He made her see red in fourty-five minutes, she called his people after an hour. Waited patiently in the parlour for his elder brother to come out of their hiding holes while the most annoying songs were piped ostensibly to calm her down. Then they began to plead deafness, one by one, even their sisters joined in. When her favourite songs did not lift her spirits, she knew it was time to file for divorce.

 

So she gathered her naira notes and literally ran out of the white house she was imprisoned in from 8-5. “Use your bank app” someone said and she laughed in that bitter mirthless laugh that most Nigerians responded to the phrase “Sai Baba” with, she did not stop walking. She soon found a yellow umbrella and for twice the price of Glo, she bought back her sanity. MTN promised to be good and as a sign, he planted his 4G stamp on her phone and a barrage of messages caused her phone to vibrate in confusion. She smiled softly and said waka to Glo and turned back.

 

As she walked back with Aloe Blacc berating rich people on her headphones, she saw two Esan men hunting for food, after hugging the taller one four times and the other just once because she didn’t want an acid bath, she joined the hunt and was rewarded with a plate of fried rice and cold Ribena. Because he liked to be snarky, Oris muttered “Ribena babies are healthy something”, It’s “Ribena children are healthy children” she snarled halfheartedly and Osareme laughed as he extended his bank card to the smiling man in red who winked at the beautiful, demure, Ribena loving woman.

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6 Comments

  1. 😂😂😂😂😂😁
    I could have told you for free that Glo was the shittiest network ever. Only two places in Lagos that I can even get a data connection.
    Afraid of an acid bath. Lol.
    This was a nice way to tell the story. 👍

    Reply

    1. Nne I was seduced by its cheapness o. Ironically it’s pretty decent at home (we live on the second floor) but on Terra firma? No way!
      Acid bath? Yes o, dude has many admirers.
      Thank you Uju :-*

      Reply

  2. Lol!!
    I was also seduced by glo and fell! Then the heart breaks began. We still have our relationship sha, but my side boo MTN is always available on speed dial.

    Reply

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