I haven’t done this in a while, written without an agenda or the wish that I made sense. Writing for my blog used to be such fun, to write the things that came into my head just as they came. Lately I feel a lacking in my writing, like my fingers cannot craft things that delight me. Most importantly, the thing that worries me the most is that my writing feels hollow.
I have gotten better at writing no doubt, but I feel like I am veiling parts of myself when I write. I read what I write and I think I have lost my way, I have struggled to find myself, to find the pleasure that I could only find in writing and the sweet release that sitting behind my laptop and bleeding all over this blog gave me in those early days when my only reader was Hero.
Why not shut down the blog? that thought came to me over and over in the last two months. I couldn’t bring myself to do it- it felt like murdering a close friend or my baby (ok not quite), and it felt too much like giving up. I give up too easily, give on things that rub me wrong, on romantic relationships that went off at the edges, on friendships that didn’t fit their cubicles and on myself and my dreams when they hurt too much to carry.
Anyway I’m still here, still trying to find my way back to point just before writing lost its shine. I intend to be here for a long time.
PS while I was writing this, Obianuju sent me this Link. It was so apt! Obianuju has to psychic or something. Amazing how she picked the right thing to talk about, at the right time.