Musings…

I haven’t done this in a while, written without an agenda or the wish that I made sense. Writing for my blog used to be such fun, to write the things that came into my head just as they came. Lately I feel a lacking in my writing, like my fingers cannot craft things that delight me. Most importantly, the thing that worries me the most is that my writing feels hollow. 

I have gotten better at writing no doubt, but I feel like I am veiling parts of myself when I write. I read what I write and I think I have lost my way, I have struggled to find myself, to find the pleasure that I could only find in writing and the sweet release that sitting behind my laptop and bleeding all over this blog gave me in those early days when my only reader was Hero.

 

Why not shut down the blog? that thought came to me over and over in the last two months. I couldn’t bring myself to do it- it felt like murdering a close friend or my baby (ok not quite), and it felt too much like giving up. I give up too easily, give on things that rub me wrong, on romantic relationships that went off at the edges, on friendships that didn’t fit their cubicles and on myself and my dreams when they hurt too much to carry.

Anyway I’m still here, still trying to find my way back to point just before writing lost its shine. I intend to be here for a long time.

 

PS while I was writing this, Obianuju sent me this Link. It was so apt! Obianuju has to psychic or something. Amazing how she picked the right thing to talk about, at the right time.

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28 Comments

    1. Let’s share an e-hug my darling 🙂
      I wouldn’t have thought that YOU were losing your zeal for blogging, you’ve been doing so excellently well- I read all your posts.
      Don’t lose vigour biko.

      Reply

    2. Hi Oyinda, it seems like you have deactivated your blog, this is sad if you have. I want to check on it but it is non responsive, please reactivate it. you have such an awesome blog. why give up now.

      Reply

  1. Ermm.. Sometimes our feelings are not really the real deal. If we were to go by our feelings everytime we would not get to where we are supposed to be. No giving up here.Total No.. Plus I enjoy reading posts here..

    Reply

  2. what!!! this lady just want to stylishly increase my blood pressure by this post. Ha! please o, i m postrating mentally here, don’t give up this blog. where will i find another chynanu (such a wonderful name) blog anywhere in the whole wide world?
    By the way i always read your blogs, just relax and dont stress yourself. one thing that has kept me long here is because I made a vow to write everyday, whether i feel like it or not. why? because I am a writer and writer have no job but to write.
    You cant come all this way and go back. where will someone find your witty, funny, insightful and lovely blog as yours.
    QUITTERS NEVER WIN AND WINNERS NEVER QUIT. YOU ARE WINNER, SO DONT QUIT

    Reply

  3. I sometimes do not derive the enjoyment that I should from my blog. I guess it happens to everyone who has ever birthed something, a dream maybe, at some point. I hope you get your groove back. I’m happy to hear you’re not giving up.

    Reply

  4. Hi Adaeze,

    Ah, this message resonated with me! I know how you feel.

    Recently, as I’ve gotten busier, the zeal to write/blog had waned somewhat and it saddens me a little because writing makes me so happy.

    I’m glad that your blog is still here, you are such a wonderful writer. 🙂

    Reply

    1. Thank you Nedu,
      I think it’s like the waves of the sea- the zeal to write. Sometimes it’s nonexistent and the sea looks lifeless and just when you dismiss the power of the sea, it comes with an intensity that will knock you flat… I think…

      Reply

  5. Yes oooo…you hit the nail on the head. It’s almost like you were in my head when you wrote this article. About a month ago, I asked myself if I was going to keep writing for the rest of my life. To say that sometimes, putting up a post can be so tiring is an understatement. I have thought of things to do to somewhat bring back this blogging passion because it’s slowly ebbing away.

    Reply

    1. Adaeze you are in a league of your own! What you do is so amazing that I do not think it as human effort, I see it as your ministry and God himself is strengthening you.
      But I know that your writing is and will continue to open doors for you.

      Reply

      1. Thank you namsie. You’re in a league of your own too! You write so beautifully and your poetry is so amazing. Amen to your prayers dear. Lemme see what 2017 has in store for me as regards writing.

    2. Ada, you cannot quit. You’re too good a writer to quit. Change the model, charge for your stories and wean your readers off fully free stories, take a break if you have to, but don’t quit.

      Reply

  6. Oh dear! It’s January 2017 and I’m glad you didn’t deactivate the blog. For 2017, I pray you indulge in all things that make you happy and hope those experiences continue to inspire your writing.

    Reply

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