I cannot change you, I am not Jesus.

This morning on facebook, I saw a post by a beautiful young woman about how a man who she’d considered a potential business partner called her at 8:30pm on a Friday and told her he wanted to hangout with her all night. She shunned him and told him not to call her again, he sent her a message on whatsapp calling her a prostitute. Continue reading →

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What’s holding you back?

On Tuesday morning  we made a detour on the morning ride to work because my father wanted to give someone a package at an all girls’ secondary school he’d once taught. Before my brother made the turn that took us into the school, we’d noticed the boisterous singing and drumming coming from the girls at the morning assembly. The person wasn’t around yet so my brother went to give it to someone to keep for her.  Continue reading →

Musings…

I haven’t done this in a while, written without an agenda or the wish that I made sense. Writing for my blog used to be such fun, to write the things that came into my head just as they came. Lately I feel a lacking in my writing, like my fingers cannot craft things that delight me. Most importantly, the thing that worries me the most is that my writing feels hollow.  Continue reading →

Friday Fiction- Highway to Heaven

Yes I know today’s Saturday, I didn’t finish this until this morning.

 

“You will kill me Jumoke and I will stroll to heaven laughing”

“And you will think you will go to heaven?” She swatted at the fat fly that tried to perch on the gleaming mass of white on the porcelain plate; that told of sweaty labour on a mortar and pestle.

“Haba! I am not the worst sinner na, am I not better than all your brothers put together”, his slim fingers wrested a big chunk of the mangala fish from the soup and he suspended them just below his mouth before smiling at her and slowly raised the fish to his thick lips.

My brothers are saints, you are not even fit to dust Juwon’s shoes”

Ah! Juwon, Commander in Chief of the allied forces of Yoruba Demons and Principalities,” he guffawed.

You’re jealous because you do not have a hundredth of his sex appeal”

“Will sex appeal increase my account balance?”

“Ask Juwon, he just bagged yet another contract from the governor” Continue reading →

Man Vs. Machine- it won…

The title of this post should be woman vs. machine because the story is about a woman but I wanted to keep the M vs. M theme, so M vs. M it is.

 

Earlier today I was at the Nedoux Sewing Club which held somewhere in Lagos and I got to meet Nedu! And fifteen or so other fabulous ladies who obviously had a keen interest in sewing. I loved the class, Nedu was splendid- she made sure she carried everyone along and the course was engaging and interesting. This isn’t so hard, I thought and irony laughed hard at me.

 

It was the machines, the sewing machines- I used two! that robbed me of my triumph or was it satisfaction? It got so bad that I couldn’t stand to stay and watch others fly while I couldn’t even crawl, so I went out and got myself a drink and something to eat (I have to stop using junk food as an emotional clutch) and I called F who encouraged me to go back and make one more try.

 

It didn’t end as we hoped, I had to leave before I collapsed in a heap of tears and frustration (I hope Nedu forgives me for bailing like that). The journey back calmed me, helped me put things in perspective and I no longer felt like the biggest failure on earth (interestingly, I watched a talk by JK Rowlings on failure an hour ago on facebook. I feel much better now).

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Will I still attempt another battle against the beautiful sewing machine? Not anytime soon, I need to recover from this one first. Apart from meeting Nedu and admiring her legs all through the class, I took some pictures that I absolutely love.

 

That’s how my Saturday went, tell me about yours.

Of Bridges and Mortality

The bus stops at the bridge in front of the National Stadium and you come down, there’s a woman at the back of the bus who’s insulting the conductor. You don’t linger to hear the end of the argument, it had started even before you boarded at Anthony bus stop and it will continue until she gets tired of shouting at him. You’re very grateful to have gotten to Stadium without losing a limb, the driver had driven with the speed of a man who was pursued by a vengeful ex girlfriend.

Continue reading →

Guest Post- Wayne Rooney, Writers Block and Random Ramblings.

Uchechukwu, my most annoying and most beloved (except Dede Udoka sha) cousin sent me a post yesterday and commanded me to share it on my blog. Even though he’s barely four months older than me, he likes to bully me. Anyway here’s Uche with his hilarious post, I’ll look for the last picture we took together and put it up too.

For the record, I must confess that nobody send me any message. As we are won’t to do in this part of the world whenever we are not willing to admit our failings- I blame Buhari. I was on my own, jejely, enjoying the recession when the foolish thought of writing came to my mind. Being the bored busy-body that I am and having never learnt to resist my more foolish urges, I quickly grabbed pen and paper. That was Friday morning. This is Monday morning and I have not written anything that WAEC would not see and demand that I return the certificate. Continue reading →