While I was thinking of the direction to take this blog in 2016, it occurred to me that I’d never had a guest post here. I decided to reach out to bloggers, writers and storytellers (if I haven’t gotten to you yet, don’t worry I’ll be in your mailbox pretty soon.) to contribute.
Kicking off this series is Immanuel, he blogs @ The dream convo. His piece is about hugging and I really like it. Have you ever had an awkward hug situation? You were going for a handshake and the other person was going for a hug or there was some inadvertent inappropriate touching during the hug. Whatever it was, I’m pretty sure that most of us have had such a moment and can totally relate to his piece. Here’s Immanuel with his awesome post.
So when Adaeze sent me a mail to appear on her blog as a guest writer. It was a big surprise and a challenge because I had actually decided not post anything till February. I couldn’t say no so I had to storm my writing archives. So here we are. Thank so much, really appreciate this gesture.
Hi you reading this piece, hope you had a lovely week!
Knowing when to hug someone is a question that has plagued humanity since its very inception. Misplaced hugs can cause such social awkwardness towards the other person. It is true we pick up the essence of a person when body meets in embrace. It’s one of the area of greeting I believe, just as the Eskimos love rubbing each other nose. Despite thousands of years of struggling with hug protocol, scientists have yet to unlock its deepest most powerful mysteries.
For one I believe Hugging is an art. While society has guidelines set in place to define it, some of the best huggers/artists are all about breaking through barriers and thinking outside of the box. I don’t believe there is a written code somewhere that dictates the dos and don’ts of hugging. It’s not always evident when the best time for a hug is and, occasionally, you have to make a leap of blind faith. Understanding this first aspect will help to allays hugging fears
Things have changed a lot in the current dispensation, though, and hugging, like any skill, diminishes without practice. It is important to surround yourself with top tier huggers to keep you sharp. I once knew a man that hugged down a near homicidal maniac. But the best I could hope for today is an awkward embrace from a distant family member at the next funeral. As we get older, more awkward and bitter, many of us simply stop hugging. Luckily, the fundamental knowledge has yet to abandon me and that information came into play oftentimes.
Amateur huggers, who aren’t confident in themselves or their abilities (everyone has the talent, but just like the parable of the talent; some decides to sow it and others didn’t). There seems to occupy their mind three questions: I will probably try to answer these queries to my best ability. *Doing press up*
1. “What if it feels like we are about to kiss?” From observation, ladies are super professional in the hugging department however many guys avoid hugging partly because of his wife/girlfriend/ fiancée stance/suspicious attitude. How is he to explain a lady’s perfume on this cloth or a lipstick stain that stick across his shirt or collar. In a bid to avoid conflicts, both sexes avoid it all together. Why would they hug the opposite sex especially if we don’t have any intimate relationship? Their wives have monopolized their social interaction including their hugging life. Permission must be taken before hugging anyone I guess.
We should respect other people’s personal space and boundaries, I don’t think you should hug anyone you don’t have a cordial relationship with. If you’re not sure, just ask if you can hug him/her if you can give them a hug.
2. “How aware should I be of how close our genitals are to each other?” That’s a tough one, that awkward feelings you know. Well I don’t think you ought to be too conscious of that aspect except there is presence of a pervert mind. I understand there is likely to be a presence of some level of awkwardness especially to someone who hugged so tight almost pressing your bosom so much it hurts. You could stylishly withdraw the embrace to prevent suffocation. Some brothers are terrible huggers, y’all need to learn yo!
This made me laugh and also brought to mind those “brothers” in Uniben who’d insist on full frontal hugs, if they weren’t satisfied with the side hug I was offering back then… No hug for them.
3. “Is smelling them okay?” before I continue, let me place a caveat here: please and please, never hug a sweaty person. And if you are allergic to fluid, run faster than Tom of Tom and Jerry Cartoons. Some people smell really stink, I’m talking from experience o (you have to mentally switch of your nose nodes, so the huggee won’t feel embarrassed), when the pastor announced in a typical church setting that everyone should raise up their hands in worship and praise, don’t be surprised to see people physically falling down. Mind you it’s not the anointing o, the powerful catastrophic anointed odor emanating from their armpit is enough to generate ample *anointing* to make people fall down. However hugging some people however is truly refreshing (you just deliberately hug longer, hugging such person is life giving and life transforming).
Sadly a lot of people with body odour do not have the faintest idea of their body emissions, how do you tell someone that he/she has bromhidrosis (that’s the medical term btw) and not hurt their feelings? let me know what you think and please don’t say buy him/her perfume.
I have this strong believe that husband and wife should hug more often. There is something about hugging that transcends the physicality of bodies touching each other- it goes deep down the soul and refreshes both the hugger and the hugged. I have discovered that people don’t hug much especially parents. The ratio of children hugging their parents is nil to nil. Hugging create a bond of trust and assurance that’s unparallel. Sometimes all some children needs is an assurance hugs. Let it hold on for at least a minutes and you will see the sparkles in the eyes of your significant others.
Please hug your children and give them affection, it’s necessary for you children to know that you love them. Make your home an open and loving environment where they feel safe and assured.
Another aspect of hugging is cuddling. It’s erroneous to believe that only the female species are prone to like hugging and cuddling, far from that. The truth is the male species have been trained and brought up not to show emotions. No wonder the frustration many husbands internalize because they can’t handle the humiliation of their wives having an inkling idea of them behaving less of a man! Recently I heard a conflict that ensues with a married couple. After the do, the husband always loves to cuddle but the wife will have none of that. To salvage their marriage, they visited a marriage counselor and therapist who discovered this and informed his wife accordingly. She was shocked and thanks fully their marriage was restored. I think I have been able to mention some benefits of hugging here.
I don’t think there’s any gender that has a monopoly on wanting affection and attention. So don’t be stingy with giving attention to your significant other even if they seem too hard.
So Have you any good/bad hugging experience, we’d love to hear from you in the comment box.