15 for 15 challenge- Finding my way

For many years I’d always known I could write, it was something that has always pretty easy for me to do. I started writing even before I could write on paper, I’d look for an adult and ask them to write on paper what I dictated to them

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I wrote a lot back then, letters to my grandfathers and grandmothers (back then all four of them were alive, only my maternal grandmother is left now), to my paternal great-grandmother, to my grandfather’s chicken whose name was Okuko and she was one of my best friends (one day I’d write about her).
As I grew older, I wrote even more frequently. I was known for always reading and writing something, I even used to write love letters for girls who were much older than me. I wrote poetry and prose, somehow I didn’t like writing plays and I didn’t write any.
I don’t know when the insecurity about my writing started creeping in, when I started feeling like I wasn’t good enough or worthy to have my words on paper. I stopped writing and felt even worse.
When I read the works of others, I felt a crippling inadequacy about myself that transcended even writing. It was when I started feeling foolish and unintelligent that I knew that there was a problem and that it was a powerful illusion created by mind. It had covered my vision and suffocated me but it definitely wasn’t real and the harsh light of reality melted it away. For the first time in years, I felt a freedom that made my blood sing in my vein, songs of joy flowed into every cell of my body
In August 2013, I got my beautiful galaxy note 10.1, and opened two blogs in one day. I’m glad that I had friends like Olu, Christian, John d Beloved, Anthony and Ugo amongst others who have spurred me on this journey and given me strength to continue.
I still feel a little inadequate when I read some brilliant pieces on blogger and wordpress, I still wish I could write like a lot of you- looking at Adaeze, Adanma, Nedu, Duru, Timi, Ugo and Uju squared with one kind eye, but I’ve finally come to accept who I am and the way I write. I can get better and better but I don’t have to change me to achieve that.

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4 Comments

  1. Trust me you write beautifully Adaeze. I could echo exactly the same words and concern and feeling of inadequacy as you have – guess what that implies? No matter how excellently one excels in an art, you’ll still consider yourself not good enough.

    So like you I have accepted my style of writing; simplicity at its best. I revel in the simple words I blend. We can only get better. Cheers maami

    Reply

  2. Oh wow! I was going to comment then I saw I already did, last year 🙂
    Really wish I could munch my conversation with Duru. I cried to him last week on how my writing pales to yours and Nedu’s *covers face* but truly we all have our niche and we can only get better.

    Reply

    1. Oh my Darling! We all battle with that insecurity. We can use that energy to make our work better. Seriously Oyin, you write very well- never forget that.

      Reply

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