Dear Duru

Around this time last year I met Duru- The young and confused blogger. This 23 year old confused blogger has been blogging consistently for two years, his blog is fabulous and he recently launched a clothing line (Nonso you need to come and pay homage sef). The first post I read on his blog inspired this post and since then, he’s become my otunne.

This year, he’s inspiring another post. His reply to my the F-word post made me smile and the questions he raised were worthy of their own blog post and his comment too was worthy of being a full blog post… so here we are.

Reading you always leaves me shocked like someboRRy that baths on Nepa transformer.. That being said.. *”MRS” Adichie… 🙂

You see Ehn nne… I wish could tell you i support Feminism.. But on this post i am going to be a tad against you.. Please pardon me if I don’t strike high Intellectual Octave notes.. But amma Say it as I think it!. See Ada. GOD made Man first… and then he made Woman to be his helper when he saw man was alone…. Now that alone to me indicates a certain Hierarchy of not just purpose.. But of strength.. Of decision making and of Actions and will.. Now don’t get me wrong.. I totally support training a girl child.. I mean Women have almost 10 times the IQ of guys.. And he who takes away a woman’s inheritance from her just cause of her gender is just plain the DEVIL… But my point nne is that most of this strive for UNINFORMED equality must stop.. The white man has come and he is taken away our rationality.. A woman can be called to lead a State! Yes! A woman can be President! Yes! But A woman can be senate President! Yes.. But Even in all these high Offices Bubba.. She needs to be Submissive to a man..

To this 23 years 8 months and 17 days old child yeah… The challenge wit Feminism in 2015 is that It doesnt just enlighten the women folk.. It makes many of them Arrogant, unsubmissive to their man and Power Obsessive, that they begin to see many of us African men as Chauvinist when all we are being is but African MEN..

Kindly permit me to conclude by saying This.. “Train a female child and you train a generation… but teach a Female Child to know her place as well, and you make her both learned and a trained mother of generations… Cheers nne..

First of all… Adichie is her father’s surname and her maiden name, so she can’t be Mrs Adichie. However we don’t have a right to call her anything other than what she says she wants to be called. If she says she is Ms Adichie… Then Ms Adichie she is. Besides she’s already well known as Adichie, won several awards and fellowships as Adichie, there’s no need to change her name and thus dilute her brand… it makes no sense.

Duru talked about Men coming first and women coming as helpers. That theory doesn’t hold water for me. Using Duru’s point as reference, I will disprove that theory
• As Duru said, the woman was brought in to help… implying or even stating that man could not handle the task, he was overwhelmed by the task and a more capable individual had to be brought in. When you need help, who do you go to? A superior or a subordinate? Aha! Of course it’s a more experienced and knowledgeable person who is brought in.

• Man was made from dust (frail) while woman was made from his rib- bone (hard). Duru is an engineer and I know there’s an engineering course (mech engineering I think) which is called strength of materials. Can dust be said to be stronger than bone? Or can a product made from dust be said to be more durable than a product made from bone?… The answer is obvious.

• In the original plan of God, none of them was greater than the other. However after the fall of man, God “demoted” the woman. Gen 3:16. However as Christians we believe the death of Jesus has set us free from every curse.

You talked about submission to men by women and this is where a lot of us get it twisted, there’s nowhere in the bible that women are asked to be submissive to men.The only person a woman has to submit to is HER HUSBAND, any other man can go jump into a lake- Eph 5:22, Col 3:18. Funny thing is we are asked to submit one to another as Christians-Eph 5:21, this means that a man can submit to a woman too.

Besides, in Gal 3:28 Paul tells us there is neither male or female but we are all one in Christ. Speaking of the bible, there are many verses of the old and new testaments that talk about slavery, conduct of slaves and their owners etc. No one was condemned for owning slaves, in fact a whole book in the bible- Philemon, was written to a slave owner. Would you consider owning slaves today? Or do you think anyone should own slaves… After all it’s in the bible… right?

I like your point about African men being what they are but we all know the popular saying “change is the only constant thing” I was watching a clip on the slave trade in Badagry on Channels this evening and heard pathetic stories about the reasons people were sold into slavery. People were sold for as little as a bottle of gin, imagine a man selling his wife and daughter for a bottle of foreign alcohol. Also people used to kill twins and albino but all that has changed now right? We can change if we want to, we can adapt to changing times.

Truth is, the tide of feminism is turning fast and if we don’t adapt we will not survive. if a man is arrogant and power obsessive, we don’t see it as something so terrible. Why then do we find it so repulsive in women? Why do we want to stifle ambition in women? When you talked about a female president, you were very interested in whether she submits to her man. You haven’t talked about her competence and vision… you just want her to submit. But what if she has no man to submit to, no husband to “tame her”. What happens then?


  1. heheheheheheh First off Ada! I had to come here ASAP.. I mean as fast as my ISP provider could run… **covers face… See ehn Otunne, meeting you was a Vantage point in my Career as a confused human being (lets not call me a writer or a blogger yet, i aint professional like that yet **Winks).. and i know we are just geRRing started on our Friendship Insha Allah.. I see you and i see an Oby Ezekwesili of my time… you are uber Smart Adaeze Ezenwa.. Ubner Smart… That being said.. Yyyyyaaaaayyy #ItcanonlybeGOD

    The aim of my kind comment of yesterday was not to start a nation wide debate of what sex is more dominant.. No! Far from that.. Trust me Nne.. No matter how much we argue on that subject maRRa.. We will never agree.. lai lai… My point… (hehehe I am sorryy I am just too excited that a whole post was addressed to my confused sevv… Biko #ItcanonlybeGOD ) We cannot agree. I love your rational comparison of Bone and Dust, helper and aid.. And that you had to introduce Civil Engineering’s Strength of Material.. Which the Great will attest was a tough course.. But Nne you fail to agree with the obvious fact that the man MUST ALWAYS LEAD… and must always be on top (even during the popular Missionary sex style.. the man is always on Top)… Its been like that from time immemorial; I mean Abraham, Issac, Samson, even Jesus (Almighty) at the wedding of Canaan was approached by his Mother to ask “What do we do?!” when the wine finished.. Thats a proof of MALE Dominance in decision making nah Nne.. How come you fail to Agree?!..

    I have a Bid to do with a dead line of COB today, so I cannot over detail this comment.. But lemme conclude by Quoting a very ghen ghen part of the GREAT BOOK.. Kindly permit me to jejely quote 1st Corinthians Chapter 11 verse 3 (NKJV)..

    “But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of WOMAN is MAN, and the head of Christ is GOD.”

    Nne haf you hear.. The HEAD OF EVERY WOMAN IS MAN (Didnt state that the head of every wife is her Husband oh)

    Nuff Said Nne.. heheheheh Thank you soooooo Much for this post Ada.. needs to read this.. 🙂 I owe it all to Janyl Benyl… All of it..I am nothing without her… As Mama lit the match that set my confusions on fire… Cheers.


  2. Awwww! Ada your blog is beautiful and the contents are magnificent. . . Duru, I almost fell in love with your comment as per say you know you are intelligent and witty now but seriously you didn’t get to buy me away with the mention of AFRICAN MEN! What does that even mean? Anyways, Ada, you are doing a great job here and I think this surname ish is just overrated!


    1. Thanks for the beautiful compliment Ibukun. That surname ish really gets me angry sometimes, why do I have to change my identity?
      Thanks for stopping by hon


      1. Babes do you have a blog? Tried to click on your name but no show. You can’t be Ibukunwrites without a blog right? 😉

  3. This discussion no be beans ooo. Adaeze, I really love the way you stated your points and it’s obviously clear words of an arguement. You and Duru going back and forth but heading the same way. Feminism is giving equal right to both sexes and the slavery bondage we put the women into is what we are crying about and both of you recognize this.

    Mr Duru, I want to tell you that the only person I am obligated to is my husband as pointed by Adaeze. Outsiders get mutual respect regardless if you are a man or a woman. Even if I am obligated to my husband, I was created to be his helper and his confidant not his slave. Because there must be a head of a society does not mean that others don’t have brains. God has made the man the head, the representative of a family but that does not mean the wife is a dunce who is not capable to think and innovate. Mind you, a man is the head of the family, a responsible man who has shown to be.

    Thinking about Ms Adichie, I don’t see anything wrong with it. Its between her and her husband. This is one of human cultural invention. Just because she chooses this does not mean she is not a submissive wife at home. It’s just both of them decision.


  4. Hehehehhehe well said Nike… You are always overflowing with Wisdom and it amazes me how smart a child you are… You are one of a kind Bae… Trust me… You are definitely a smart child… Oh well… So we don’t stress this Argument longer than it demands… Your points are well Noted… and I like and admire the fact that you said Both parties deserve respect… Nice… all I ask is that women please stop striving for EQUALITY… and I say this with full respect… The man was born to lead… A Home.. A Nation… and The world… I believe that the Woman was designed to be more of a Support and to maintain and ensure that the men do what’s Best… Like I said Bubba… Your points are well noted. Cheers.


  5. My comment will be directed at Duru. Dearest Duru, I love the way you wrotw your comments stating your opinions respectfully but I bef to differ. You quoted Genesis saying that the man being created ist must make him a superior being with greater strengths and all. But if one follows the story of creation in the Bible, it would seem the reverse is the truth as the animals were created first and man last making him superior. If we go by that same logic, woman was created after man thereby making her an embodiment of all the perfections that were flaws in men (as the flaws were coorcted in her). Ada has already explained the superior creation part: bone instead of dust.
    Also, don’t forget that Paul wrote his letters highly influenced by the cultural roles at that time. Then, he also said that men should love their wives as Christ loved the church. Im going to point out two things: Christ loved the church so much so that he died for us even as we were still sinners, his love for us is unconditional (you understand?)
    2. That verse never asked women to love their husbands, but wouldn’t want a woman that loves you? Or would you one who is submissive but has no iota of love for you?
    Im really waiting for reply. Will check out your blog


    1. Chidi I’m officially in love with you! You put this so clearly! How come we’re superior to animals? Didn’t they come first sef!
      You deserve ten bundles of hollandaise for this beautiful comment. I know smart people sha *pops collar and priding upandan*


      1. Dancing #ShakitiBobo as I await my ten bundles of hollandaise. I must be part of the village dance this year, everyone must see my new collection as I would string the ten around my waist

  6. You’re giving Chidi hollandaise? What about me. 😭😭😭😭
    And the whole feminism debates tire me greatly. The only thing I ask for from most men is total respect and a healthy dose of common sense. From anyone I intend to join my life to, we expand the criteria. Nice observations Duru. Yes, we can be presidents and prime ministers but we have to submit to a man? No problem. Let’s imagine I’m the president of Nigeria and the president of America who is a man comes and tells me to legalise same set marriage. Do I have to submit then? Or some nutjob wants me to buy lots of firearms and shoot at my family? Should I also do that? Let’s also ask, is there or should there be a hierarchy of my submission? Think about it. You’re quite smart.
    Ada, I expect fair treatment. I expect equal yardage of brocade and hollandaise. Until then, 😡😠


    1. Loooooooooool!
      Your own is Swiss Lace biko, as for Duru’s comment- I just said “hian!” In my mind and moved on. He’s still pretty young though, he wouldn’t think that way in five years.
      I think we need to start an insomnia sisterhood…


      1. As in! I was looking for that post about the various love languages and I read so many more of your posts. You’re a great blogger. Keep blogging.
        By the way, I didn’t find it. Thank you for the Swiss lace. It is heartily appreciated.

      2. Depressed? Lol. Babe, I’ve been feeling really envious about your writing style for the last hour. If a writer like you feels depressed. ..
        Don’t be. You are an amazing writer and you can be and SHOULD BE proud of you.

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