Leaving and Cleaving

     Heard about the actress whose husband is taking her last name? He thinks it’s pretty cool but even his wife tried to talk him out of it but he was firm on his stand and he has legalised it. The reaction on Nigerian gossip blogs made me laugh, most of the comments I saw questioned his masculinity and even sanity. I think he’s an incredibly brave man and he definitely isn’t the first to do that.

   One of the most interesting words in English language is cleave, it means to join and it also means to divide. Cleave is a word that gets plenty mileage on Saturdays. On every Saturday at least a thousand priests/pastors mention the word as contained in Gen 2:24- “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

   I’ve always thought it interesting that this is how God describes marriage for the first time. At this time,  it was just Adam and Eve, there were no parents or in-laws. Yet God in his infinite wisdom mapped out marriage this way, with the man leaving his family and joining to his wife but there’s no mention of the woman leaving her own family. If we still operated that system now, it would mean that Zoe’s husband’s action would be the norm rather than the exception.

  Wouldn’t it be interesting, when the time comes for the “bae” and I to get married. I’d bring my family to meet his, we’d tell them we saw a beautiful flower and we want to make it ours. I can literally hear all my ancestors rolling in their graves, but I guess it can’t work in my lifetime.

  Last year my friend Oris was a participant at the Farafina trust writers workshop, I wrote a post about it then. In April one of my Facebook friends shared  a link inviting writers to apply for the workshop. I applied and put it at the back of my mind, it’s literally the biggest writers workshop in Nigeria and the alumni of that workshop is a Who is Who of modern Nigerian literature.

    On Wednesday morning, I woke up rather late (after 6am family morning devotion, I went back to bed) I was coming down with something but I didn’t know it then. I woke up by 10am, switched on my phone and went to brush my teeth. I was still a little sleepy when I came back to check my phone for emails and WhatsApp messages. I saw an email with the title “workshop application”, I didn’t even remember that I’d applied for a workshop and I opened the email only to see an invitation to the workshop by the main convener- Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Yes, I’m about to become one of “Chimamanda’s boys”. I screamed and called my friend Hero but his number wasn’t reachable, I dialled his number nonstop for five minutes but no show. Why was he the first person I called? He was the one who selected the story I sent, a fiction post on my other blog titled and he’s the only one who knew how much it mattered to me. I gave up on dialling him, then I called Oris, my dad and my mum in that order.

  The workshop will hold from the fifteenth of June to the twenty-sixth and it will be rounded off by a literally night on the same twenty-sixthat the Oriental hotels and you’re all invited for the literally evening. It will be a fun evening, I was there last year and it was super. For the duration of the workshop, I’ll be away from home and will be totally focused on writing, writing and writing. I’m kinda nervous already, I pray it goes well. Funny thing is some of my fellow participants are people I’ve already admired their work and their wit… I hope I won’t be too star struck and be able to play it cool instead of going Omg! all over the place.

  I saw a picture on my friend’s BBM dp this morning, it was a plate of roast termites- Chinge. It’s one of the delicacies I miss the most from my FGGC Bida days. They only come out during the rainy season and are attracted to bright lights, we’d gather them from the areas around fluorescent lights, I remember roasting them with a candle or a coal iron if we were lucky to get one. You can’t roast it in secret, the scent was beyond attractive, almost like freshly baked bread. With the right spice blend… it’s one of the most delicious dishes you’ll enjoy.


                               The picture that had me drooling

  Today’s the birthday of one woman I admire for her brains, strength and ability to go for she wants. Her name is Joy Isi Bewaji, she hosted the Abuja edition of the conversation yesterday and she’s doing so many other things… Her itinerary would leave you breathless. Happy birthday Ma, may your life continue to be a beautiful symphony and may Joy continue to be your portion.

Today is the seventeenth anniversary of the death of the dictator Gen Sani Abacha. I remember how we heard the news, we were inside that evening and we heard loud running and celebratory sounds on the street. My aunt and I went outside to check and we saw people dancing in the middle of the road and jubilating. We went in and told my mum that theysaid Abacha was dead, it was about 6pm and she immediately changed the channel to LTV because they did their evening news by 6pm, the newscaster was also talking about his death… my mum said “so it’s true” and she went to her bag and gave my aunt miney to buy 7-up for us, we each got a bottle. My youngest brother, who was four years old at the time, fell on the ground and wept for Abacha, he loved Abacha and he was always telling us he saw the dude in his dreams. As I typed this, I got the idea for a story about people’s reaction to Abacha’s death. I hope I get to write it.



    1. Lol @ your fleeing, it’s actually quite nice once you get past the initial ick factor.
      I think he’s really brave, it’s not an easy decision I bet.


  1. Mami, your philosophies dey scatter my dada…lol.
    You know you can always be what you want to be and I know you are on track. Congregations on your nomination to be a participant at the Farafina writers workshop. Go make us proud.


  2. Congratulations once again, Ada-Daddii.
    You are as good as everyone else! Don’t sell yourself short and don’t compare yourself with anyone else either. You are unique and so are your stories.
    Go get them, tigeress!!!


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