15 for 15 challenge – love at first sight

   I remember the first time I saw her, our grandfather had died and she came to Papa’s house with her parents and sisters. My mum and I had travelled down earlier than my dad and brothers, and I was pretty lonely and very bored because everyone was preoccupied with burial arrangements.
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Lyrically- Great nation

Today’s another presidential election, another opportunity to take our destiny in our hands. There’s tension in the land and a sizable section of Nigerians do not believe the electoral process will be free from major irregularities. The politicians and their followers seem desperate and we can hear the rumbles of distant trouble.
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Just to be with you again

“Just To Be With You Again”
So I still walk on through the night and through the rain
I would give it all
Just to be with you again.
It’s a lonely road
For my heart is still in chains
But I live my life just to be with you again.

We have walked together where angels go
And we found a place inside us that only we could know
So I still walk on through the night and through the rain
I would give it all
Just to be with you again.

That’s the way life goes
Like a whisper in the wind
But I take that fall
Just to be with you again
Can I find a reason
Can I find a way
Cause the words I need to tell you
Are the words I didn’t say.

So I still walk on through the night and through the rain
I would give it all
Just to be with you again.

I see you standing in the doorway
With that looks in your eyes
And the feeling that I feel will never die.

So I still walk on through the night and through the rain
I would give it all
Just to be with you again

Well that’s the way life goes
Like a whisper in the wind
I would give it all
Just to be with you again
It’s a lonely road
For my heart is still in chains
But I live my life just to be with you again.

For Nnamdi Isiguzo 14/01/1963 – 27/03/2007… Son, Brother, UNCLE, Husband, Father and Friend. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss you, I hope you approve of the woman I’ve become. You weren’t the hearts and flowers type and probably would wince at this…

I love you dedem… always.

Daddy’s pet

In a few days, Nigeria will be holding her presidential elections. The battle for the soul of the country, victory in the election is fierce for the two front line political parties. Unfortunately, I won’t be voting in this elections even though I possess a PVC. I registered in Edo state and I’m therefore ineligible to vote in Lagos. It is possible to transfer your PVC if you relocate but the steps in the process are tedious and time consuming.
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Ancient hymns – God give us Christian homes

    When I was in the university, I joined the chapel’s choir and one of our duties as choristers was ministering during weddings. I must have attended dozens of wedding services because they usually held before our choir practice which was fixed for 3pm, it was also a chance to eat wedding jollof rice and Coca Cola without the tedium of dressing up… This woman’s fashion sense leaves plenty to be desired.

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Staffs and notes

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Lyrically – Coat of many colours

   Last Sunday was Mothering Sunday in the Anglican communion and I’ve started several posts to celebrate my mother but I’ve never been able to complete any of them. You see, my mother isn’t just “the best mother in the world”. She’s an enigma, impossible to describe, impossible to decipher. One thing I can confidently tell you about my very beautiful mother is that she loves music, my love for music comes directly from her.
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Lyrically- Landslide

   I’m going to start by saying music has been a dependable friend all my life, from the rock, raggae and RnB songs my mother raised us on, to the smooth jazz and soul I discovered much later. It’s nursed me through several heart cracks… My heart has been “broken” only once. It’s been there for me when I couldn’t even understand what I was feeling, soothing and calming, never judging or losing its patience at my inability to say the things in my hearts. Most importantly, it has never laughed at my dancing 😉 Continue reading →

My virginity is not my “Pride”

Disclaimer: I am not in any way implying that being a virgin isn’t a beautiful thing and a thing of pride, neither am I saying that chastity is not a desired virtue. Now that we’ve gotten this out of the way, let’s get on with today’s post.

I was going to title this post- “I am not my hymen” or I am more than my hymen but I decided to tweak the popular Nigerian maxim “virginity is a woman’s pride”. Earlier this month, we celebrated the International Women’s day and there were various programmes held across the world to commemorate the occasion. Coincidentally it’s been twenty years since the Beijing women’s conference of 1995, I remember the conference fueling national discourse for weeks, from TV to radio and print media. I’m not sure the lofty ideals of the conference has resulted to any concrete benefits but that’s not today’s focus.

This post was inspired by a random conversation that took place at my bead making class, three sisters in their early thirties were discussing the breakdown of the marriage of their friend. The lady had been married for less than a year and her husband kicked her out of the house last week. The women had plenty to say about his wickedness, his dead morals and even his poor sexual prowess and the wife was made out to be a living saint. They went on and on about how evil the stronger sex can be (I partially agreed with them). Then one of them raised the trump card, prove that their friend was an angel.

“She was even a virgin!” and they all agreed it was sad and the man was so terrible to leave a woman who’d given him the most precious gift she could give a man. With the rarity of virgins, they rationalised that he should have worshipped the ground she walked on as well as forgiven her every sin because she had “kept herself”. At this point I asked them if being a virgin made a woman the perfect wife, did her virginity cover for her character flaws,  inability to love or at the very least tolerate her husband. They launched into a winding lecture on the rarity of virgins in modern times and how such women (notice how they didn’t mention men) should be honoured and even revered. I switched off from their conversation and continued with my project.

  However the conversation bothered me for sometime. Remember that the women who were having the conversation are in their thirties and are all mothers to very young children. It’s not a stretch of the imagination to think that they would pass on this mindset to their children, and we’ll have another generation believing that it is the woman’s prerogative to “keep herself” and the young man does what he wants.

    Am I saying that not indulging in pre-marital is archaic or quaint?… No! I’m saying that if we teach our daughters that the value they bring to marriage is sexual, that their brains, hearts and brawn are only secondary to their hymen, then we have not equipped them with the skills they need to function in the institution. Have we taught them that they are not objects or trophies but intelligent, wonderful women and that whatever they choose to do with their bodies, the only person they are accountable to is God. Honouring God by not committing fornication is beautiful, so is avoiding STIs and other unpleasant occurrences by practising abstinence. But teaching our daughters that all they have to do is “keep themselves” and they can sustain a relationship on the strength of their hymen is pure crap. I wouldn’t have thought that such mind numbing theories still float around today if I hadn’t heard that conversation.

   Seriously, if the most valuable thing I’m bringing to the partnership called marriage is my unbroken hymen, then my husband is unfortunate indeed. If I don’t learn the basics of maintaining relationships, if the husband and I have no skills in interpersonal relationships then the marriage is dead on arrival.

In a world where sexual intercourse is as casual as a handshake, chastity is a beautiful thing but it is only one of the things a person can be proud of, just like the ability to cook sumptuous meals, run a home on a budget, tolerate situations that would make others go crazy. It is an awesome part of who you are but there’s more to a person than one awesome part….