I was watching Trisha yesterday and was disgusted by what I was watching. I’m not a TV person and I don’t really like talkshows, for some reason I decided to watch the programme instead of  daydreaming.

Controlling men who thought women were property, they didn’t work yet they controlled the finances of the home. Made their women do what they what, where they want, where they want and how they want whatever it is done. They were beyond disgusting and the sad part was the way the women were so accepting of the rubbish these men dished out.



Sadly there was a silly pattern to the women on the show, they were overweight and lacked an atom of self esteem. They knew what they were going through was wrong but they seemed helpless to do anything about it.

I’ve read stories, seen movies about this kind of situation but a part of my mind probably figured there were exaggerated accounts. Don’t get me wrong, I know abusive, controlling men existed but usually these men hold the purse strings of the house and their women are usually financially dependent on them. I never thought that a woman would go to work while her husband/partner/lover/boyfriend sits at home watching TV, yet when she comes back he treats her badly and collects her earnings. The part that got me upset was how “grateful” they were that they had a “man”. Like having a penis and scrotum made him a man.

I’m sure Tibs will be smiling and shaking her head when she reads this because she talks about such issues on her blog regularly but somehow I just thought Tibs knows crazy people. It’s really sad how women around the world are in shackles just to have someone to call theirs, the pathetic part is that more often than not the loser cheats on them too.

While I was watching, Baby and I were gliding (get your mind outta the gutter, it’s a video message app) and I couldn’t help venting. Baby doesn’t live in Africa and was in a better position to understand the mindset of those women (did I also mention that they were mainly African-Americans?). Baby’s explanations helped me understand them better but didn’t dim my disgust. If being with a particular man will endanger your life then run as fast as your legs can carry you. Being single won’t kill you, I should know- I’ve been single for a long while.

Towards the end of the programme, a survivor of relationship violence came on the show to share her story and counsel the ladies. Her partner had doused her with gasoline and set her ablaze, she sustained major burns. I couldn’t even finish her segment, I didn’t trust myself not to cry when she mentioned staying alive for her sons’ sake.

The men definitely had their own sob stories of how they’d been abused or raised in abusive homes. For me those reasons don’t really fly because hitting a person physically, emotionally or both requires rational thought. This men hit because it pleases them whether or not they were raised in abusive homes.

Nobody should live with or be involved with controlling men or *rarely* women. It’s better to be alive and single than to be a late wife or girlfriend.



  1. **covers face** Adaeze mami got me blushing…hehe…okay here is what I think mami, being in an abusive relationship is a choice…I mean, you choose to do NOTHING bout your self-esteem, you choose to do NOTHING bout the beatings you are getting from the said man in your life, you choose to do NOTHING bout changing the situation…I mean, until you KNOW who you are are….People are gonna DEFINE YOU FOR YOU……it’s that simple…Love mi some Adaeze.


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